Fellas only ever want me for sex and I feel disrespected

DEAR DEIDRE:  MY friend with benefits has just told me he is seeing another woman and is thinking of starting a relationship with her.

We’ve been having great sex but I always seem to give off vibes that I am available just for sex when really I want a relationship.

I am 29. Every man I meet makes it clear that he is only interested in sex with me.

On the surface that’s OK and I have no qualms turning down any man I am not interested in, but I’m beginning to realise all the men I meet are open about looking for relationships with other women but with me it’s just sex.

I really liked a man I worked with and we became very close.
However, it was only after we’d slept together a few times he told me not to get feelings for him as he saw me only as a good friend.

Foolishly I carried on sleeping with him, hoping he’d change his mind. But within months he said he was exclusive with another woman and they now live together.

Another time I met a man in a bar who took a shine to me. He flirted all evening, then I asked how long he’d been single.

To my surprise he said he’d been with his partner over a year.

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I told him I wasn’t interested but that didn’t put him off. He kept making suggestive remarks — another man who just saw me as a sex object.

I began this latest friends-with-benefits arrangement a few months ago. He’s 27 and shares a flat with a woman I work with.

I sympathised when his long-term relationship broke up and we ended up in bed. It went on from there. When he said he’d met someone special I wished him well and thought that would be the last I heard from him.

I was shocked to get a message next morning asking to meet later for a last night of sex before he got serious with the other woman. I felt so disrespected.

I just do not know what I do wrong, and more importantly, what I can do differently in the future to prevent this happening again.


ONE in seven couples finds it hard to conceive and many need medical help – ask your GP about fertility testing if you have been trying for months.

There are lots of self-help steps you can try too. See my e-leaflet Want To Have A Baby? – email me for a copy.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You may not knowingly be giving off vibes that you are up for a casual fling but the messages you have been giving out to guys have not spelled out what you really want.

I’m afraid FWB is unlikely to lead to a relationship.

It is hurtful to feel guys disrespect you. When you start to respect and value yourself more highly, guys will pick on that vibe and treat you differently.

Set your boundaries firmly. Only have sex with men who are as open as you are to the possibility of it leading to a relationship.

In any event, with coronavirus you now have the perfect reason not to have casual sex with anyone.

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