My boyfriend has found out I cheated on him in 2018.
Now he is determined to pay me back by sleeping with five other girls – one for each year I didn’t tell him the truth.
I’m shattered. I know I did a terrible thing, but I was in a bad place at the time. My dad died and my boyfriend was working abroad. I was lonely and angry.
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I met a guy at a party and we hung out together four times. Our relationship (if you can even call it that) was centred purely around alcohol – we got drunk and slept together.
After our last night, I woke up feeling terrible and decided enough. I dumped him. I didn’t tell my boyfriend the truth on his return because I was ashamed and felt dirty. I wanted to sweep everything under the carpet.
Now he’s discovered my sordid secret from a friend. He’s insisting on his revenge and says it’s only fair.
I can’t believe anyone could be so pathetic and nasty. I’ve said I’m sorry a million times, but nothing I do is enough. He’s determined to make me pay for humiliating him because he’s convinced everyone’s been laughing at him behind his back.
He’s constantly on the internet searching for potential conquests. He forces me to look at the screen any time someone he fancies pops up. He’s also told me about girls at his work and women down the pub he likes.
Sometimes, just to hurt me, he says he’s going to go out and have sex with five strangers. I know I did wrong but how is this fair? He thinks we can carry on as normal after his revenge because we’ll be equal. I feel as though I’m living on a knife edge.
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend seems to be making a lot of noise and making a lot of threats but hasn’t slept with anyone else so far. Is this nothing but hot air designed to frighten and worry you?
Get him now, before he crosses that line and tell him you can’t go on like this.
Emphasise you are very sorry, but his current behaviour is a form of mental torture. Yes, you did a terrible thing and there are no excuses for that. He, quite understandably, is angry and hurt but there has to be a more mature way forward.
The concept of revenge isn’t acceptable. It could backfire. Spiting you isn’t going to make him happy.
You and he are now at a crucial crossroads. My gut feeling is that you and he are done, that there is too much toxicity and anger. Of course, some bounce back from affairs and go on to love again, but if the trust has gone then can it be regained?
Is he ever going to be truly happy with you again? Think long and hard about which direction to take with your life. If you have unresolved issues regarding your late father’s death, please check out Cruse Bereavement Care (cruse.org.uk). Confide in friends and family about how you’re feeling.
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