DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having amazing sex with a woman I met at my son’s football training and now my marriage is toxic.
I am 33 and have been married for eight years. We have sons aged nine, six and three. We were OK until our third came along.
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Since then we’ve had sex a handful of times and it’s never been great. We either bicker or sit in silence most evenings, just watching TV, while I drink.
At my eldest son’s last football training before lockdown, I started chatting to another mum.
We had a giggle and it was a real ego-boost when she texted me to suggest we should chat some-times online. She’s 29.
It was a lifesaver in lockdown. We managed to sneak out of our houses to go for a walk some days and would laugh and flirt. Her marriage sounded like mine — no sex, no fun.
One day she was a bit down so I put my arm around her and we started kissing.
Our chat became more flirty after that. I could see the way things were going so decided to tell my wife I wasn’t happy, to try and get us back on track.
She agreed and started to make more effort. We were getting on better, the kids were happier. Then she found explicit photos from the other woman on my phone and that turned into an almighty row.
She ended up going to her parents’ and our relationship has been toxic ever since.
The other woman and I ended up having mind-blowing sex when she was consoling me and now we find opportunities to get together as often as we can. But my wife tells anyone who will listen all about our personal lives.
She has told the kids I am leaving them for another woman and it hurts to see them sad.
My wife is also being difficult about me spending time with the kids and is turning them against me. I feel really mad at her.
Things have probably gone too far for us to fix things but I never wanted to be a dad who walked out on his kids.
IT’S harder than ever nowadays for couples to agree on what sexual boundaries to have or not to have.
My e-leaflet Sex Games And Sense suggests some ideas to help you work out what is right – and safe – for the pair of you.
- Email me at [email protected] or private-message me via my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife is hurt and is spilling out her emotions, wanting support. You and your lover were both vulnerable, in sexually stale marriages, but great sex alone doesn’t guarantee a great relationship.
Given you don’t want to be a dad who walks out on his kids, make sorting out time with your sons your priority.
For their sake, you need to develop a less emotionally charged relationship with your wife.
I suggest the two of you go for mediation to help you put your sons’ needs before your urge to blame one another for what has gone wrong.
Contact National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636).
My e-leaflet When Parents Fall Out explains the impact that warring parents have on their children.
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