DEAR DEIDRE: I AM not sure whether to ditch my fella. He lacks drive and ambition and the more it goes on, the longer we’ll be stuck living with my parents.

I am a 28-year-old woman and he is 31.

I am employed full-time but he doesn’t work.

He’s such a mummy’s boy and has only had two short-term jobs in his life.

He was made redundant at the start of the pandemic and moved into my parents’ home. I keep suggesting jobs but he always has an excuse.

After work, I get home feeling tired but he as not even organised dinner.

He’s sitting on his Xbox and I get the feeling he’s been on it all day.

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I’d like to start a family within the next few years, but he doesn’t think we’ll ever be able to afford kids.

That’s the one thing I want in my life – to be a mum.

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DEIDRE SAYS: If you continue to support him to do nothing, that is what he will do – nothing.

It can be difficult to find work but to not even apply for jobs shows a lack of ambition.

If you want this relationship to continue, he has to show up and bring something to the table.


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Explain you need to see some motivation on his behalf for your relationship to work (my support pack on Looking For Work will help) and give him a time limit to sort a job out.

If nothing changes in the next few months, and to avoid a life of regret and resentment, you will need to accept it is over.

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