LACEY Turner bravely opened up about her miscarriages and revealed she suffered one while on the EastEnders set.
The 32-year-old star, suffered two miscarriages before welcoming daughter Dusty last year and is now pregnant with her "second miracle" baby.
But Lacey's path to motherhood hasn't alway been so easy and she revealed she went straight back to work on the BBC soap after learning she'd lost her baby.
“In my gut I knew it wasn’t right,” she said in the Channel 5 documentary, Miscarriage: Our Story.
“I just felt so empty. I had gone from being so excited because we’d waited so long for this baby, to feeling numb.
“I went back to work the next day, carried on like nothing had happened, which makes me really sad now.
“I was walking around feeling so heartbroken yet nobody would have had a clue.”
Lacey fell pregnant again just a few months later but, sadly, again at seven weeks, she lost the baby.
“It was worse the second time, so much more blood,” she says.
“I was stressed out because they found there was a tiny bit of the foetus, about the size of a grain of rice, stuck to the lining of the cervix, so you can’t try again.
“That was really horrible because I felt like there was still a bit of the baby stuck inside me and you just want it out.”
It was four more months before Lacey had a procedure to remove the baby’s cells and says her mental health suffered so badly she couldn’t even talk to Matt.
“I felt so lonely and I didn’t speak about it,” she says. “You don’t understand it, you feel completely alone.
“There isn’t anyone who can make it better because it’s happened. We should have talked to each other but because we didn’t it made both of us really lonely and you feel like you are the only person in the world this has happened to.”
Even when she was pregnant with Dusty – whom she welcomed in July 2019 – Lacey couldn't feel excited "until i have the baby in my hands, and she’s breathing, alive and kicking, I can’t relax."
Last month she announced that she is pregnant with their second "miracle" child – but Lacey revealed today that she'd faced backlash from fans for needing maternity leave again so soon.
The star laughed off the outrage as she insisted that it was a compliment EastEnders viewers wanting her to stay on their screens.
Due to her previous tragedies, Lacey also confessed that she suffers from anxiety while pregnant, telling the Loose Women ladies yesterday: "I am still anxious and I probably always will be, which I think is normal if you have been on a journey like I have.
"I try to stay as positive as possible, but it's nice not to have time to sit and think about it, because Dusty takes up a lot of my time."
Returning to EastEnders to play loudmouth Stacey Fowler has been a welcome break for the new mum.
She said her time on set was easier than being a stay-at-home mum during her Loose Women appearance.
"It is definitely easier to go to work than it is to be a stay-at-home mum, I really take my hat off to mums who stay at home, it is the hardest job I've ever done," she explained.
"As lovely and rewarding as it is, it's definitely the toughest job, so I go to work for a rest."
The TV favourite's husband Matt Kay looks after Dusty while his wife is filming scenes, and the actress went on to admit that he loves having that quality time with their daughter.
She said: "He is brilliant, he is so amazing with her, she adores him and he adores her, it's perfect and they adore spending time with each other, and he was happy to stay at home – it's 2020, why not?"
Miscarriage: Our Story airs on Channel 5 at 10pm on Thursday 15th October as part of Baby Loss Awareness Week
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